Are you Daddy Pig or Logan Roy? A Father’s Day celebration of dads

In the Peppa Pig episode entitled Father’s Day, pater familias Daddy Pig wakes up to find that … guess what? Everyone in his family has totally forgotten the annual day in his honour. (In case you’ve missed it too, yes, Father’s Day is today, at least in the UK.) When he reminds them, his daughter Peppa asks if it’s like Mother’s Day. “Sort of,” replies Mummy Pig. “Although Mother’s Day is a real day. And Father’s Day is a sort of made-up, modern thing.”

After some back and forth, Daddy Pig gets his dream of watching racing cars on TV with a cup of tea while his children make a cake. They combine his favourite ingredients – cereal, tomato ketchup and cheese – and serve it to him as the narrator concludes: “Daddy Pig loves Father’s Day. Everyone loves Father’s Day!”

Is there a less significant, more maligned celebration day than Father’s Day? I’m not asking that to be chippy or aggrieved. Father’s Day, correctly, slots in behind birthdays, religious festivals, anniversaries, Pancake Day, National Doughnut Day, the release of a new Taylor Swift album, and of course Mother’s Day in the reverence with which it is observed in most families.

Often derided as the invention of Hallmark Cards – not true, as we will discover – Father’s Day now mainly seems to be an opportunity for internet businesses to flog the three commodities every father needs in his life: beer, coffee subscriptions and hot sauce.

But at a time when dads, in general, are less useless than they’ve ever been at any period in history, is it time to take Father’s Day a bit more seriously?

Probably not, but here are some trivia and cultural recommendations relating to the hot sauce-loving lump sitting in the corner of the living room waiting for this evening’s Canadian Grand Prix to start.

And, as those marketing emails say, if for understandable reasons you’d rather opt-out of content relating to Father’s Day, then flip the page now.

The fatherhood hall of fame

William Jackson Smart
The name may not be familiar, but Smart is the original papa who inspired the creation of Father’s Day in 1910 in Spokane, Washington. Sonora Smart Dodd, his daughter, felt the twice-married, twice-widowed civil war veteran should be honoured for his devoted parenting of 14 children.

Ted Lasso
How do you choose between your child and your professional ambitions? Lasso, the manager of fictional AFC Richmond in Apple TV+’s feelgood hit Ted Lasso, had exactly this conundrum at the climax of the recently concluded third season. What did he decide? He quit high-flying Richmond to spend more time with his kid.

The dads of Finland
Since 2021, each parent in Finland is allowed 164 days of paid parental leave. For a couple, that means more than 14 months – and it applies regardless of their gender or whether they are a child’s biological parents. In the UK, meanwhile, it’s estimated nearly a third of fathers took no paternity leave at all after their last child was born.

The Fatherhood hall of shame

Boris Johnson
It’s not really solidarity to kick a fellow father when he’s down, but surely the 101 of parenting is knowing – and admitting – how many children you have? The current Johnson tally is seven, with three partners, and another baby on the way. Johnson has previously said that he “changes a lot of nappies” but has seemed very shaky on the lyrics to the Wheels on the Bus.

Logan Roy
If King Lear is the definitive manual for being a bad father, then Sky’s Succession is the Pass Notes version. Over four seasons, the dysfunctional Roy family, led by patriarch Logan (Brian Cox), has been an education in how a traumatic childhood can stalk you for the rest of your life. Each of his four children relentlessly tries to please him and inevitably comes up short.

Jamie Spears
The situation is complex no doubt, but no father, ideally, should end up in a long-running legal dispute with their offspring. That was the situation Britney Spears’ dad found himself in during 2021 when the singer contested his long-term role as her conservator, which had paid Jamie $16,000 per month plus office costs and a percentage of her deals.

Why are films about Father’s Day mostly horror films?

There are not many films about Father’s Day – fair enough – but they are almost all horror flicks. They are mostly not great, so consider this a public service announcement of what not to watch today and stick on The Great Escape again.

Creepshow
A 1982 horror written by Stephen King and directed by George A Romero that features the tale of a dad murdered by his daughter on Father’s Day because, in part, of his constant requests for a cake. Later, in a terrifying scene, his maggot-infested corpse reappears – still demanding the Father’s Day cake he never got.

Knock Knock
A 2015 Eli Roth film that stars Keanu Reeves as a dad who is supposed to go to the beach with his family for Father’s Day but stays at home to get treatment for a shoulder injury. This backfires when two attractive young women turn up at his house during a rainstorm and unleash chaos. Essential viewing for any dad thinking of skipping today’s excursion.Fathers’ Day
Confusingly, this 1997 film is not about Father’s Day at all but stars Robin Williams and Billy Crystal at their peaks as men duped into searching for a runaway boy whom they both believe is their son. Reviews were not kind: a “brainless feature-length sitcom with too much sit and no com”, said critic Roger Ebert.

Five ways for men to tell if they are turning into their father

 When bending down, you automatically emit a small groan, even if you feel completely fine.

 You experience mild euphoria while discussing route options and potential traffic hotspots.

 You fall asleep within seven-and-a-half minutes of watching anything on television that isn’t sport.

 You’ve started to vibe with Radio 2 and wonder if the programmers are trying to appeal to a new, younger demographic (spoiler alert: they’re not).

 Look in the mirror: who do you see?

Three excellent books about fathers

Fathers – if nothing else – tend to be first-rate muses for authors. Here are three of the best:

Fatherhood by Karl Ove Knausgård
A slim, loosely autobiographical volume that distils some of the Norwegian writer’s observations on parenting with his distinctive, eviscerating style. You will feel seen, sometimes admonished, but Knausgård writes about being a father with clarity and directness few can match.

And When Did You Last See Your Father? by Blake Morrison
A 1993 memoir that became a 2007 film starring Jim Broadbent, this recounts the relationship over the years between a son and his flawed father, Dr Arthur Morrison, a charismatic GP. Full or pathos and humour, it has become a classic of father-son dynamics and bereavement.

Help, I’m desperate! I need a last-minute present!

Personally, I’m very happy with the card from my seven-year-old daughter that reads “Happy Farter’s Day!” But if you need a gift for your dad pronto, consider getting him tickets for the American comedian David Cross’s new standup show, Worst Daddy in the World, which is coming to the UK for four nights in September. Cross – known for the comedy series Arrested Development – is slick and funny, and apparently a useless dad. And that’s the present we all want: to know someone’s doing it worse than us.